I burned my ass yesterday. Not lying. I don't think anyone else in the entire world could accomplish this feat in such a spectacularly mundane fashion.
It was a lit cigarette. I was out at the gazebo hammering another nail in the coffin. I had to get something out of my purse so I set the cigarette down on the edge of the bench on which I was sitting. Apparently, while my attention was diverted, a very slight breeze gently rolled the cigarette up under my right butt cheek. The sensation of slowly catching on fire is like nothing else on earth. It sneaks up on you.
Did you know flesh underneath clothing can burn while the clothing does not?! I didn't. But I do now. Lesson in physics and chemistry - I don't know exactly how it works but that's what happened. The pants were fully intact but I almost soiled them in the same general area. Fire hurts.
Needless to say, the folks around me were concerned about my sanity when I jumped up for no apparent reason and started gyrating like a fool. I'm sure it was fun to watch. A little humor for ya, fellas - you're welcome.
I'm adding this incident to my long list of reasons to quit.