Friday, November 22, 2013

Back In The Saddle - A Rant

Howdy!  Been a while.  Dave, my faithful follower, I know you'd be thinking I was dead if you didn't see me at work on a regular basis.

This blog thing started out with a bang but fizzled out rather quickly once I realized there was actual work involved.  I work enough at work so working at home did not appeal.  A couple of years later, I've decided to give it a go again.

I'm back for a minute.

Not a story today, but a rant.  I used to post my rants on a forum until I realized it's just a bridge under which trolls and other rabble-rousing vermin reside.


What is wrong with drivers in and around this city?  I've lived here going on 11 years and I've made a few observations.  I feel it's time to address the issues:

1.  There's a little doohickey on the side of your steering column called a Turn Signal.  I know you think it's some type of decoration or merely put there to aesthetically balance the doohickey on the other side but this is not the case.  The Turn Signal actually has an important role.  Please see your owner's and/or driving manual for instructions and USE the damned thing.

2.  The left lane is for passing.  Really.  I'm not making this shit up.  I suspect it's sheer laziness that keeps you camped in the left lane.  God forbid you should have to turn the steering wheel the slight measure it would take to ease over.  Or perhaps you have a giant stick up your ass about people who speed and you have appointed yourself as the Slow Down Brigade.  Hot tip for you: I WILL pass you on the right...and I will STILL speed merrily along my way.  You're not the Grand Marshall in a fucking parade.  Look in your rear view mirror and, if you see a line of cars behind you, MOVE THE HELL OVER.

3.  At a stoplight on a 70 mph highway, it's really not good form to move - from a complete stop - over to the next lane as the light changes to green.  That little dick dance is going to earn you death.  Traffic coming up has seen the light change and NO cars ahead of them so they are still humping along at a pretty good clip.  I'm pretty sure you won't like when someone's engine block lands in your lap.  Be satisfied where you ended up when the light went red and nobody gets hurt.

4. Pick a fucking speed.  Mach, Snail...I don't care - just be consistent!  And see 1-3.

I've decided to mount my video camera on my dashboard.  My commute is 45 minutes one-way and I see stupid shit in that 45 minutes every day that can't be explained.  Must be seen to be believed.

It's always amazing to see people sit up and drive right when a cop is present.  Turn signals are used, road rage is tamped down, everybody suddenly remembers the rules.

So, here's my advise to all of you: drive like you know you're being recorded.  Drive like the car next to you is a cop.  The world will be a better place.

Done.  For now.

1 comment:

  1. Can't wait for video. People are convinced that they have a right to impede traffic because they pay taxes. By that logic I should have the right to shoot them under the castle doctrine. I know, doesn't make sense but neither does getting in the left lane and driving slower than anyone trying to get by.

    And welcome back. I was just here waiting, all by myself.